Archive for June, 2010

beautiful simplicity

Jon and I sat down tonight to talk about our new budget and creative ways to save money as our income will take a dive due to school being out for the summer, and many thoughts were racing through my head.  I have spent so much time worrying about the situation that we now find ourselves in – my school job being done, and most likely not a job that I will return to in the fall.  As we have been nearing this time, I have spent so much time being frightened about this inevitable difficulty that was coming upon us, which I felt no ability to control.  God has been teaching me so much the past couple of years about trusting in His provision – not our paychecks, our schemes or ideas, the money in our account, but Him as our ultimate provider because everything we have is the result of Him allowing it.  I have focused on the verse in Matthew where Jesus tells us, commands us not to worry.  Do not worry about tomorrow, He says, because each day has enough trouble of its own.  It is when I start to think about all the tomorrows in our future that the panic wells up inside of me as I focus on all the many, many details that I feel helpless to control and plan for.  I think that worry is one of those things that gets pawned off as a normal human emotion, but I feel that this is an area of my life that I have not realized up until this point is a major contributor to the lack of joy in my life.  I feel extremely challenged right now, as we are praying, trying to be wise, and pursuing work opportunities where we can – that ultimately it is not my burden to carry and that right now, God is challenging me to trust – not in my sight, my plans, but in Him and only Him.  He has never failed me yet and has done so much more in my life than I could ever, ever deserve, but yet it is still so hard to relinquish this burden to Him and return to the simplicity of a child that knows that her Father will provide, he will take care of her.  After all, how can the Lord receive glory unless we allow Him to work in our lives?  I am thankful for the opportunity to be stripped down and to have my heart drawn back to the Lord, as I choose to trust in Him.



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